(photo courtesy of nyjets.com)
The preseason is over. The 53 man roster is set. It’s time to look ahead to meaningful football and by meaningful football I mean how are Sam Darnold, Josh Allen and Josh Rosen playing? (Only slightly kidding). Here’s my schedule prediction for all 16 games the Jets have to play this year.
Week 1: At Buffalo
Are YOU ready for the second reincarnation of Greg McElroy vs the Cardinals in 2012?! If Tyrod Taylor and TJ Yates can’t play, we might be looking at a Josh McCown-Nathan Peterman duel in Orchard Park. I expect Tyrod to play and this game to be more fun than people anticipate. With all of the “tank” talk surrounding the team, I think a motivated Jets team comes out and has a game reminiscent of Week 2 in Buffalo last season. McCown lights up the Bills secondary
Week 2: At Oakland
Before the Jets plane even hits the runway in Oakland, they’ll be down by two touchdowns. The Raiders high powered offense will expose the young Jets secondary and the Jets offense won’t be able to put enough points on the board to keep up. Start every Oakland starter in daily fantasy this week because there will be plenty of fantasy points (and real points) for the Raiders starters.
Week 3: Vs Miami
A half empty MetLife stadium watches Jay Cutler carve up the Jets defense while taking swigs from a Budweiser tall boy during breaks. Jay Ajayi will be held in check for a mediocre rushing game while Jarvis Landry and Devante Parker feast in the slot all game. The Cutlet doesn’t have to make more than two reads while throwing for over 300 yards and a couple of touchdowns as the Jets fall to 1-2.
Week 4: Vs Jacksonville
This is a very winnable game for the Jets and could be a confidence booster for the young defense. The offense may have trouble with the up and coming Jags defense but Blake Bortles throws more touchdowns to the Jets than he does the Jaguars. The Jets move to .500 and sideline mics pick up more Allen Robinson expletives than he has receptions this today.
Week 5: At Cleveland
For any other team, going up against a rookie quarterback in his fifth start is an easy task. The Jets are not any other team and Deshone Kizer has his first productive start of his career. He throws for 315 yards and two touchdowns, leaving Cleveland fans in a mass hysteria. Myles Garrett gets tested for PEDs immediately after the game after a monster game against the Jets revolving door offensive line. Unlike last season, the Jets lose in a close one to the up and coming Browns.
Week 6: Vs New England
Week 7: At Miami
The Jets bounce back from a trouncing against the Patriots with an upset in Miami. Jay Cutler has a Jay Cutler type game throwing three interceptions and Jermaine Kearse has 9 receptions for over a hundred yards against Byron “Burnt Toast” Maxwell. Josh McCown turns heads with a phenomenal performance and the chatter of giving him an extension heats up.
Week 8: Vs Atlanta
The Jets are sandwiched in between a rematch of the Super Bowl and at the revitalized Panthers. It would be cocky of me to call this a trap game due to the talent differential of both teams. I do think the Jets play tough against the Falcons and keep this game within 10 points. Josh McCown starts off slow and the fans clamor for Bryce Petty. Petty comes in and has a very competent game, almost leading the Jets to a win. The Jets ultimately fall short due to a late Julio Jones touchdown.
Week 9: Vs. Buffalo (Thursday Night)
On a short week, Bryce Petty gets his first start of the season against the also tanking Bills. It’s a battle of who wants to lose more. The Jets come out on top in that battle, as Tyrod Taylor and LeSean McCoy wreak havoc on the Jets defense. Demario Davis gets beat on three wheel routes that ultimately doom the Jets chances of winning. Bilal Powell has a 100-yard rushing game as Todd Bowles realizes that Matt Forte shouldn’t be playing anymore and names Powell the starter the rest of the season.
Week 10: At Tampa Bay
Jameis Winston doesn’t care about your 10 days to prepare. The Jets are no match for Mike Evans in the red zone and Desean Jackson has a monster day, beating the Jets corners deep at will. Petty struggles to put points on the board even though Winston throws a couple of bad interceptions, setting the Jets up with good field position. The tank keeps on chugging as the Jets fall to 3-7.
Week 11: Bye
A win for all of the Jets fans and, even better, a win that doesn’t count against the tank.
Week 12: Vs Carolina
Cam Newton is a big quarterback who can run and is elusive in the pocket. The Jets have struggled against these quarterbacks since the beginning of time. This will be an ugly game and the only thing we Jets fans will be thankful for is that the season is almost over. Cam will have more rushing touchdowns than passing touchdowns in this contest. Riverboat Ron realizes early on that Christian McCaffrey can and will beat the Jets linebackers on wheel routes and does not shy away from it the entire game. Bilal Powell stands on the idly sideline as he watches McCaffrey’s skill set used correctly by the Panther’s coaches.
Week 13: Vs Kansas City
Kansas City’s season has been a massive disappointment so far and Andy Reid decides to put Patrick Mahomes in at QB to see what the kid has. He doesn’t have to do much, with Tyreek Hill scoring on an end around and Travis Kelce looking as unstoppable as ever. The Chiefs defense holds the Jets to under 150 yards of offense and MetLife Stadium is a quarter full after halftime. Bryce Petty hurts his shoulder in the first half which forces Todd Bowles to Josh McCown in to finish the game. He provides no spark and the Jets inch closer and closer to securing a top five pick.
Week 14: At Denver
This is a battle of the defenses and only because both offenses aren’t very good. Vonn Miller is licking his chops all week watching tape of the Jets offensive line. Both offenses have trouble moving the ball but the Jets defense is the first one to make a mistake as Emmanuel Sanders breaks a 15-yard pass into a 55-yard touchdown and the Jets never recover. Bryce Petty returns for the full game only to throw three interceptions, including one that stops a Jets drive where points were nearly guaranteed. The Jets lose a defensive dominant game and the tank rolls on.
Week 15: At New Orleans
New Orleans is excellent at home and Drew Brees is still doing Drew Brees things. The Jets secondary gets torched as tBrees has all day to throw the ball and takes advantage of the Jets’ young secondary. He throws for over 450 yards in a rout. The Jets get down big early but the Saints porous defense allows Robby Anderson to get loose for a monster game,:11 receptions for 176 yards and two touchdowns, as the Jets cut it to a 10 point game. Petty ultimately throws an interception as the Jets are driving with under five minutes left and all hopes of a comeback are thwarted.
Week 16: Vs Los Angeles Chargers
The Chargers come in needing a hope and a prayer to make the playoffs. They don’t mess around with the Jets and win easily. The game is never in doubt for the Chargers, who have to travel across the country (for a Christmas Eve game of all things!), as window throwing Phil Rivers plays mistake free football. The Jets players are anxiously awaiting their vacation in a week and don’t put up much of a fight against Los Angeles. The Jets head into Week 17 with a top three pick.
Week 17: At New England
One of two things is going to happen in this game. 1) The Jets need to lose in order to secure a top two pick. Bill Belichick plays his backups and the Jets starters beat up on them, winning the game and dropping them into 3-5 pick range. 2) The Patriots haven’t lost a game yet and there is no way on God’s green Earth that a Belichick coached team is going to lose their undefeated season to the New York Jets. Brady and Company run up the scoreboard in the first half, putting the game out of reach early. Jimmy G. comes in in the second half to ice the game as the Jets record finishes at 3-13 and they end up with the number two pick in the draft. Pick which one you want to happen.