Dan Gilbert’s Ride

Legend has it Paul Revere raced to Lexington to warn that the British were coming, but I ask you to think of it this way…


Gray skies rolled in over the great city of Cleveland, Ohio on a gloomy Thursday afternoon. Locals thought all hope had been lost for their beloved King James and his troops when all of a sudden Mr. Rocket Mortgage came racing through the streets on his trusty steed, announcing trade after trade hoping to salvage a seemingly lost season. The lowly Cavaliers had gone 7-12 since their Christmas Day loss to the mighty Golden State Warriors (who coincidentally still boast more talent in four starters than the Cavs do on a complete roster). Something needed to be done!


So Mr. Rocket Mortgage did what any sensible owner would do in this situation: trade away an All-Star point guard and a 1st round pick for relatively nothing.


He wasn’t finished there. He thought, “How can I make this team worse?”


He hatched an idea. “Trade your best wing defender for Rodney Hood” a voice in his head told him.


When he finished doing that, he scratched his head, contemplating how he would solve the problem of a now gaping hole at the point guard position. “LeBron could play the point, I guess,” he shrugged, but then he got another brilliant idea. “George Hill!” He screamed. “Wonderful! You’ve gone from IT to George Hill!” The voice in his head shrieked.


“There’s one more thing…” The voice echoed. “I know what I must do,” exclaimed Mr. Rocket Mortgage. “I’ll trade Wade for a heavily protected 2nd rounder! I’m sure LeBron won’t mind.”





P.S. I was gonna go for the Boss Baby angle but decided against it.


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