I Can’t Wait For The Internet To Shut Down Next Year

(Business Insider) “…But one prophecy caught Business Insider’s eye: the whole internet will shut down for 24 hours.

The dire forecast comes from US technology security vendor LogRhythm. According to the company’s chief information security officer and vice president James Carder, it won’t just be a technical issue stopping people from uploading their selfies on Instagram.

“In 2017, we’re going to see it hit big sometime, somewhere. If the internet goes down, financial markets will tank,” he said.

The security expert told Business Insider that all the signs were there this year, with criminals “testing missiles by shooting them into the ocean”.

“We saw the massive [distributed denial of service] against DynDNS just a couple of months ago. That DDoS attack took down sites like Twitter and Spotify for a few hours. We saw a similar DDoS hit Brian Krebs before the attack against Dyn. These were really just tests,” he said.

I’m not big into the whole New Years prediction nonsense because most of them are the most outlandish predictions one could come up with. But this, this is something I am 150,000% on board with. Sure most of the things I do in life are predicated on having internet access but I don’t think you realize just how great of a 24 hours this would be. I don’t have to see any happy couple pictures making me feel like a hopeless romantic. I don’t have to see my whole Facebook feed fake mad about topics they don’t know anything about. I don’t have to see pictures of my friends getting married and doing adult things while I sit on my couch yelling at a TV because my football team is a joke. Hell, if this happens on a Sunday I can use that as an excuse to not watch the Jets game. I can live off the grid like those people on the Alaska TV shows I love except I don’t have to fight frigid cold temperatures and hope I kill a moose for my food and warmth for the next three weeks. 

Sure the market would crash but I’m 22 and I have 8% knowledge of how that works so that means it doesn’t matter to me. It’s going to be marvelous not having to see people retweet #LifeGoals tweets of pictures with mansions and Lamborghinis in the drive way. I might love it so much that I’ll just roll that 24 hours into a whole week, month or maybe even year. I’m ready for this prediction to come into fruition. Give me no internet or give me death!*


*If I die because this doesn’t happen I expect everyone at my funeral just to point and laugh at my coffin. 

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